Fear and Shame

This is a subject I am greatly familiar with, my life used to be ruled by fear and shame and I was feeling urged to share with you. Fear and shame are two of satan’s most powerful tools against us, fear is natural, we are afraid of things that can hurt us and that’s a good thing, but when we fear things we shouldn’t we give it power over us. And when we commit an action on accident, such as a slip of the tongue, or when we do something we look back on and find completely disagreeable we experience shame, which is also healthy, it is a feeling that lets us know we’ve done something that we know is wrong and can then correct it. The problem comes when it goes too far.

Many times we do something and we fear God’s reprisal, we fear how our friend’s will react, we fear that people will reject us, that’s a big one I used to fall prey to. I was terrified people would hate me if they knew some of the secrets I kept in my heart. I wanted nothing more than to be accepted and to have a ton of friends. Shame can ruin us just as easily. When we have a certain belief or feeling or perhaps when we do something we think will make people reject us, we fall into the pit of shame. It affects us in a way that is similar to fear, we don’t want people to know and we hide it, but it is different from fear in that the feeling of shame is directed at ourselves. We hate our feeling, our belief or our action. It makes us feel less about ourselves. This makes us believe we are less deserving of love, it makes us believe that people won’t want to love us. I am so guilty of this, so often I would get pulled into the pit of shame and nothing people could tell me would make a difference. I thought people hated me or at least couldn’t like me, that people were only tolerating me because they didn’t want to be mean. I love people, I’m a social creature. It’s just how God created us, He himself is in a relationship and He created us to be in a relationship with Him. When fear and shame damage or destroy our relationships with the people around us it’s a million times harder to feel connected to God who we can’t physically see, but instead we have to have faith in His existence. When we don’t believe in ourselves and we don’t believe those around us care for us then we can’t have faith that God really loves us.

The reality of it is that sin separates us from God and keeps us from knowing him. But it doesn’t have to be that way; we have an awesome, loving God who forgave us for all of our sins through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:4-5 says “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.” Because of God’s grace, we don’t have to live suck in our fear, stuck in our shame; He set us free by paying a cost we could never pay. The only person whose opinion should really matter to us is God, and God will never reject us for who we are or what we have done. He is a loving God, and His love is a redemptive love.

This coming part is a little of what I learned from James MacDonald about true repentance. There are 5 signs of true repentance:
1.) Godly grief over sin. This means we are focused on how our sin has affected God, not us or others. When someone is only sorry they were caught and not sorry for what they did, this is not Godly grief, it is worldly grief. 2 Corinthians 7:8-10 “yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Only when we experience Godly grief can we begin the process of repentance.
2.) Repulsion towards sin. True desire to be free from sin and be disgusted by the sin. This is to the point where even having access to sin is painful because we desire o strongly to be free from it.
3.) Restitution towards others. It’s important to note that we cannot make things right with God if we don’t make things right with others. 2 Corinthians 7:11 “See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.” Godly sorrow fills us with a desire to see our wrongs we have committed righted.
4.) Revival towards God. You feel a new faith in God and a new passion for Him. Understanding that we can’t do anything apart from Him and seeking to never be apart from Him.
5.) Moving Forward. Not looking back and dwelling on past actions. Philippians 3:12-13 “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” What Paul is saying here is that we can never be done with our journey, our goal will never be reached in this life, but we should strive for it, not looking back, forgetting the bygone things that will just bog us down as we try to move forward towards what God has planned for us.

These principles apply to all but one sin. Matthew 12:31-32 “And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” God is willing to take it all from us if we repent, there is only one sin that God will not forgive, and that is the rejection of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our guide and counselor, we must not reject Him.

By repenting, we receive God’s grace, which can be described in four ways:
1.) Grace redeems – Penalty of sin is gone. Colossians 1:13-14 “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Cost of sin is paid.
2.) Grace Releases – Power of sin is gone. Romans 6:14 “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.” Released from sin.
3.) Grace Reconciles – Prejudice of sin is gone. Ephesians 2:14-16 “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.” We are made one in Christ.
4.) Grace Removes – Past sin is gone. Colossians 2:13-14 “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.” We don’t have to dwell in our sins.

In summary, God loves us, His love for us and what He thinks for us is all that matters. We shouldn’t strive for the acceptance for others because God accepts us as we are and He has more love than all people alive combined, as long as we place our trust in Him. Not to say we don’t need relationships. Earthly relationships are essential for personal growth. Once you have gone to God and asked for forgiveness of your sins, the best way to deal with the fear and shame is to just make yourselves vulnerable to others. You will never get over the fear of rejection until you give someone the opportunity to reject you. They will either accept you, which is amazing when you’ve feared rejection for so long, or they will reject you which will hurt a great deal, but you are better off without shallow friends who only want to be with perfect people, because they will find themselves with no one. Being in trusting vulnerable relationships helps to keep you accountable and prevent you from sinning in the future, it also provides the groundwork for support. One loving companion with whom you can be totally vulnerable with is worth more than several hundred shallow friends. When we confess our sins to God and repent, and make ourselves vulnerable to one another, the fear of rejection and the shame of sin will hold power over us no longer. Can I say I’m never afraid of anything? No. Can I say that I never experience shame? No. But it’s ok because I know God loves me and forgives me, and I know that I am loved by my friends and I know that they will never reject me. They are natural instincts and incredibly useful when kept in check by relationships with God and fellow Christians.

I know I’m long winded, and I promise I am almost done. Some people never get to confession and vulnerability because they fear God doesn’t love them, so I just wanted to add one little story from the bible. Jesus talks about the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. The younger son wanted his inheritance, so his father gave it to him. He proceeded to run off with it and lose all of it. He sought his father’s forgiveness, not believing himself worthy of it. Luke 15:21-24 “So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.” It didn’t matter what the on had done, where he had been or that he had lost all of his inheritance, his father loved him and rejoiced at his return. This is like God’s love for us. No matter where we go, what we experience or what we do, when we seek Him, we will find Him waiting for us with open arms.

This kinda got out of my hands, it’s way more than I had originally intended to write, so if anything is unclear due to my effort to trim it as best as possible, let me know.